kept for long enough

I feel bad.

You see, there will be another competition coming up at the end of this month. I didn't tell you before, but i ditched the previous one last month.

Hard to admit, but I'm gonna say this anyway.

I don't believe in my band members.

I have no confidence to go on stage with them.

For a church thing, well fine. But for a competition, heck no. Zero confidence.

We are FAR from the 'ok' category. On the scale of 1 being the worst (play entirely off key, the like) and 10 being awesome, I would give ourself a 3. Yes that's how bad I think we are.

In dog-eating place, when a CHURCH is holding a "RELIGIOUS BAND FESTIVAL" *that's how they call it btw* inviting bands from churches from all around the province, especially when the word "INTER-DENOMINATION" is stated on the event ad, THEY MEAN NO SHIT. YOU BETTER BE GOOD.

Maybe you'll think that church fellas are just some goodiegoodie hymn-singing kids with absurd amount of hairgel who don't know awesome music, let alone play them. Or maybe you think that they play like Hillsong or Planetshakers at best.

Nope. I would say that the bands that join this, are WAY BETTER than Hillsong or Planetshakers.

Granted they are NOT Dream Theatre calibre, but they are still AWESOME! Even though the kind of music that they play are mostly not my cup of tea, but in terms of dynamics, balance and arrangements, they are really good. Each of the members know damn well what they are doing.

So this is what scares me. If we join this competition, we are kittens walking straight into lions' cage. It's not like they are violent. No. Most of them are really humble. But the thing is, if dive into that pool unprepared, we're just gonna bring embarrassment to ourselves.

Last time with GE and Rubberfellas, I am always confident wherever we go. Whether it is to a competition or just normal gig. Why? Because I know that we were prepared. We don't possess the skill of the Used or at least MCR. But then I am confident when I play with them because I know what we've done to get there. I was proud to play our originals. I know we worked our ass off to at least make it sound decent. Everybody was doing their homework. Even though I still have that butterflies and negative thoughts before going on stage, the peeps were there to support me *by being nervous in unison xD.

**sidenote: FYI, Oxy and Joney always looked as cool as cucumber before we go on stage, while JLT always have that "we're gonna knock your socks off" vibe*

With my band now.... *sigh*...

I can't keep a straight face whenever we practice. Normally I'd play 4-ish chords and then I'll go

At the end of the day, I went home unsatisfied and discouraged. I had to practice that 'inhale-exhale, inhale-exhale' thing throughout the practice session because of the sound we made. I felt bad that I can do nothing about that, and I felt bad that I tell them what to do too many times. Sometimes I just let them play the way they want, and halfway through I felt like I need to see a therapist or maybe stand at the edge of a cliff and scream my gut out.

I'm not a pro myself. But at least, I TRIED to polish the way I play. I TRIED to listen to what others are playing so I could come in at the right time without overpowering anyone.I made mistakes MANY TIMES and I would be happy if somebody else point it out so that I could improve!!

Dear bandmates, how long would it take for you to realize that we suck and that we need to work hard?!