kept for long enough

I feel bad.

You see, there will be another competition coming up at the end of this month. I didn't tell you before, but i ditched the previous one last month.

Hard to admit, but I'm gonna say this anyway.

I don't believe in my band members.

I have no confidence to go on stage with them.

For a church thing, well fine. But for a competition, heck no. Zero confidence.

We are FAR from the 'ok' category. On the scale of 1 being the worst (play entirely off key, the like) and 10 being awesome, I would give ourself a 3. Yes that's how bad I think we are.

In dog-eating place, when a CHURCH is holding a "RELIGIOUS BAND FESTIVAL" *that's how they call it btw* inviting bands from churches from all around the province, especially when the word "INTER-DENOMINATION" is stated on the event ad, THEY MEAN NO SHIT. YOU BETTER BE GOOD.

Maybe you'll think that church fellas are just some goodiegoodie hymn-singing kids with absurd amount of hairgel who don't know awesome music, let alone play them. Or maybe you think that they play like Hillsong or Planetshakers at best.

Nope. I would say that the bands that join this, are WAY BETTER than Hillsong or Planetshakers.

Granted they are NOT Dream Theatre calibre, but they are still AWESOME! Even though the kind of music that they play are mostly not my cup of tea, but in terms of dynamics, balance and arrangements, they are really good. Each of the members know damn well what they are doing.

So this is what scares me. If we join this competition, we are kittens walking straight into lions' cage. It's not like they are violent. No. Most of them are really humble. But the thing is, if dive into that pool unprepared, we're just gonna bring embarrassment to ourselves.

Last time with GE and Rubberfellas, I am always confident wherever we go. Whether it is to a competition or just normal gig. Why? Because I know that we were prepared. We don't possess the skill of the Used or at least MCR. But then I am confident when I play with them because I know what we've done to get there. I was proud to play our originals. I know we worked our ass off to at least make it sound decent. Everybody was doing their homework. Even though I still have that butterflies and negative thoughts before going on stage, the peeps were there to support me *by being nervous in unison xD.

**sidenote: FYI, Oxy and Joney always looked as cool as cucumber before we go on stage, while JLT always have that "we're gonna knock your socks off" vibe*

With my band now.... *sigh*...

I can't keep a straight face whenever we practice. Normally I'd play 4-ish chords and then I'll go

At the end of the day, I went home unsatisfied and discouraged. I had to practice that 'inhale-exhale, inhale-exhale' thing throughout the practice session because of the sound we made. I felt bad that I can do nothing about that, and I felt bad that I tell them what to do too many times. Sometimes I just let them play the way they want, and halfway through I felt like I need to see a therapist or maybe stand at the edge of a cliff and scream my gut out.

I'm not a pro myself. But at least, I TRIED to polish the way I play. I TRIED to listen to what others are playing so I could come in at the right time without overpowering anyone.I made mistakes MANY TIMES and I would be happy if somebody else point it out so that I could improve!!

Dear bandmates, how long would it take for you to realize that we suck and that we need to work hard?!

here's a piece of my mind

========  glass shattered ========

past midnight random chat

I want to buy a new handphone. AP set (approval product) instead of the original authorized one. So I asked a friend whom I think might know the drill better. Until the conversation went south xD

 

Good night :)

kyuuut! xD

We were d0ing s0und check f0r this m0rning's service when this little fella came in. He just st0od behind th0se chairs l0oked at us playing a s0ng. His eyes were glued to our drummer, barely blinking. Maj0r amazement detected xD.

Man. Y0u sh0uld've seen his face. I wished i c0uld take a picture but i was playing the keyb0ard. So, too bad.

Then he walked towards the b0ngo beside me and started hitting it f0ll0wing the drum beat. Mad awes0me.

practicepractice

I had the 'lightest' practice session yesterday. I don't really know the drummer well, and this is the first time I actually talked to her but strangely I can 'blend' with her nicely, I felt verrrryyyy relaxed during the session. The practice was really short, just less than 1 hour for 9 songs and 2x runs *yes, when this uncle is the worship leader, it is possible :P*.

I haven't had this feeling for a long time. I played with a couple of drummer before, and I noticed that if it's the first time we play together, there will be some kind of 'clash', and it took some time for us to sound like we are complementing each other. But this time it was different. It seemed like she knows what I'm trying to do, and at the same time, I can follow her lead so easily. We didn't work on the arrangement before practice but then when we play, we even did some syncope together for a couple of songs unplanned. Fyi, We didn't know how the original music sound like except for one song. So it was surprising.

Well, still there are some rough edges to smoothen up, and usually I will straight away say 'ugh' inside my heart and many times it shows through my facial expression, but this time I don't know why I just let it slide and I actually was carried away.

And then after that I came into conclusion that playing in a band really really require all the members to listen to each other *DUH*, and not only in terms of how loud should I be compared to everybody else. But really need to listen to every single thing, play as a whole, know when to come in with a BANG and when to be 'barely there'--which I fail to do most of the time *scratchscratch*..

It's like looking at the bigger scale when you don't really bother how 'I' will sound like, but more to how will ALL of us sound like if I play this and that.

Oh! I also got to play waltz-y stuff hehehe. It was fun.