Involved my ass.

Guess what, we JOINED the competition. yes. Crazy? yes. I was the only one thinking that way. Oh maybe some of you too, readers?

Four days worth of practice we went. That gut feeling that normally came before a gig striked back right at the first step inside the venue. I was never more intimidated than this. Never more inconfident than this. Btw, this was the first time for our rhythm guitarist to ever join a competition.

The lions performed the day before us. Therefore, i felt a little better.

Long story short, we played badly. I stuttered during the first song so I missed one line of the chorus, and then I mentioned "check-in" instead of "check-sound" during the song introduction *although i corrected myself afterwards LOL, the syncopes didn't work out aaand the sound went nuts at the second song that one of the judge was covering his left ear. I'd say, the situation went 70% ok. I wasn't quite sorry for it because there were several bands who did worse--higher level of embarassment.

GOD how I thank You that You made it happened so that the big guns played the day before or else I'll be too discouraged to go on stage. There was 1 band who played SUPERBLY but they were on stage waaay after we played so I didn't really care :D

Oh! Also, out of the 60-ish contestants, we're in the top 20 so that didn't really discouraged me. I was even surprised.

I am fully aware that my band SUCK and this competition added more punctuation mark to our level of suckiness. Good. So that my bandmates can finally wake up!! As for myself, I would say that this competition motivated me. I am more pumped up to polish my scales, fingering, and groove among other things. I REALLY do hope that my bandmates would be as motivated as I am after all this.. For lessons during the gig, gee. Nothing significant, really. I went on stage the way I did before. Same drill. I guess I just need to choose the right words to say during band intros. Well. If I ever have the chance to do that again haha.

Now here's another thing. There is ANOTHER competition next month. I would say that this is waaay bigger than this one we just did. It's for our denomination only, but you see, this is THE most.. er.. prestigious band competition for young adults across the region. The pressure is waayy bigger and the competitors are waaayy more than before. This competition is like a pass-fail subject. When you fail, see you next semester (if you still have the balls). But if one wins this, hmph. You'll get EXPOSURE. Sweet deal. Seriously.

Let me break this down for ya. If one wins, one will be invited to most of the gigs this denomination holds, invited to play at churches/seminars/concerts across the province, and not to mention the 100% likelihood to be the OPENING ACT for any famous Christian performers when they come to perform in our province (the organizers are familiar with the word 'AUDITION' just like they are familiar with Hieroglyphics).

You might think: "Hey. Aren't you guys supposed to play for the glory of God and not to yourselves? Aren't you fellas supposed to use your talent for Him and don't care about what comes after if you win/lose?"

You see, it's a private matter between a believer and God, and people glorify God in different ways. Only God can judge, you can shut up.

Where I live now, people WANT to SHOW FACE all the time. Being asian, we don't want to LOSE FACE not even one damn time. But unlike most asians, people here don't grasp the very basic idea of WORKING HARD. The INVOLVEMENT is emphasized greatly while the process is neglected. Hence the shitty outcome. Even when it turns out bad, people will say "what matters is that you were involved."--quantity over quality. Sometimes they add "gotta do better next time" but that never really happen.

Anyway, another issue. I know how to play keyboard. In fact, I started off with that when I was a kid. That was practically the first official instrument I could play. But you see, my soulmate is the BASS!!! I feel like I can really express myself through it, and I feel that satisfaction everytime I play. Y'know, that feeling when you're pacing along with the drummer.. In short, I prefer Bass over Keyboard.

But then, I am the only keyboardist available (cuz the rest are aunties and one is out town), and my bandmates wants me to play Keyboard. Sigh. Gotta take one for the team.

We had a practice last night--a rather uninspiring one, acoustically cuz drummer couldn't make it. We had another friend to sing and based on the outcome last night, gee. I'd say: NEXT!

Sigh. It has never been THIS hard.

Stressful weeks ahead..

God, please strengthen me.

kept for long enough

I feel bad.

You see, there will be another competition coming up at the end of this month. I didn't tell you before, but i ditched the previous one last month.

Hard to admit, but I'm gonna say this anyway.

I don't believe in my band members.

I have no confidence to go on stage with them.

For a church thing, well fine. But for a competition, heck no. Zero confidence.

We are FAR from the 'ok' category. On the scale of 1 being the worst (play entirely off key, the like) and 10 being awesome, I would give ourself a 3. Yes that's how bad I think we are.

In dog-eating place, when a CHURCH is holding a "RELIGIOUS BAND FESTIVAL" *that's how they call it btw* inviting bands from churches from all around the province, especially when the word "INTER-DENOMINATION" is stated on the event ad, THEY MEAN NO SHIT. YOU BETTER BE GOOD.

Maybe you'll think that church fellas are just some goodiegoodie hymn-singing kids with absurd amount of hairgel who don't know awesome music, let alone play them. Or maybe you think that they play like Hillsong or Planetshakers at best.

Nope. I would say that the bands that join this, are WAY BETTER than Hillsong or Planetshakers.

Granted they are NOT Dream Theatre calibre, but they are still AWESOME! Even though the kind of music that they play are mostly not my cup of tea, but in terms of dynamics, balance and arrangements, they are really good. Each of the members know damn well what they are doing.

So this is what scares me. If we join this competition, we are kittens walking straight into lions' cage. It's not like they are violent. No. Most of them are really humble. But the thing is, if dive into that pool unprepared, we're just gonna bring embarrassment to ourselves.

Last time with GE and Rubberfellas, I am always confident wherever we go. Whether it is to a competition or just normal gig. Why? Because I know that we were prepared. We don't possess the skill of the Used or at least MCR. But then I am confident when I play with them because I know what we've done to get there. I was proud to play our originals. I know we worked our ass off to at least make it sound decent. Everybody was doing their homework. Even though I still have that butterflies and negative thoughts before going on stage, the peeps were there to support me *by being nervous in unison xD.

**sidenote: FYI, Oxy and Joney always looked as cool as cucumber before we go on stage, while JLT always have that "we're gonna knock your socks off" vibe*

With my band now.... *sigh*...

I can't keep a straight face whenever we practice. Normally I'd play 4-ish chords and then I'll go

At the end of the day, I went home unsatisfied and discouraged. I had to practice that 'inhale-exhale, inhale-exhale' thing throughout the practice session because of the sound we made. I felt bad that I can do nothing about that, and I felt bad that I tell them what to do too many times. Sometimes I just let them play the way they want, and halfway through I felt like I need to see a therapist or maybe stand at the edge of a cliff and scream my gut out.

I'm not a pro myself. But at least, I TRIED to polish the way I play. I TRIED to listen to what others are playing so I could come in at the right time without overpowering anyone.I made mistakes MANY TIMES and I would be happy if somebody else point it out so that I could improve!!

Dear bandmates, how long would it take for you to realize that we suck and that we need to work hard?!