a series of realization. lol

There we went. To the festival. there were so many things that happened before this one, and I should say that by far this was an enjoyable experience. Another roller-coaster ride although it wasn't as "thrilling" as that last one. On the night where I posted the last blog entry, in the end we decided that we'd bail this one. Simply because we weren't ready and our drummer were being so dissociative from the sleepiness. To be honest, I was glad because I didn't want to play and I don't feel confident enough to play in this competition.

I might have told you before that anything with the word "Sinode" in it, means huge. Lotsa exposure. Thousands of judging eyes. Words of mouth. Like, massive. But then I don't know why I just want this to be over. I was giving up. I did what I could, and didn't give a shit on what's gonna happen. But one thing leads to another and we ended up joining the competition even though our arrangement was done only hours before the competition. We were the first in line to perform. Seems like it was meant to be because whenever the situation becomes impossible, it changed in the last minute. So I was like whatever, let's just get this over with.

I thought our arrangement was pretty OK even though it's not that tidy or complicated. I stole OOR's The Beginning guitar style for the front part lol.

I have a whole lot of things that I discovered during that day, since it was the first time for me to enter a band competition in that caliber.

We were the first band to perform so we set up an easy standard for everyone lol. There were a number of common genre that emerged. RocknRoll, pop, jazz, metal.

One thing pissed me off the most.

(almost)EVERYONE WAS TRYING SO HARD TO BE CASIOPEA. Maybe most of them don't even know who Casiopea is, but they SURELY sounded like them. The typical Jazz Funk Pop kinda thing with lots of syncopes, off beats, slapping, complicated instrumentals and the like. Their skills astounded me but after a while, I wanted to puke. The reason why they did that was understandable. They played that way so that they'll get marks for the level of difficulty. Some of them managed to nail it, and some of them didn't.

But one band  me the most. They looked like they will be performing in a metal concert and they had that look on their faces, and their vocalist looked so girly but yet intimidating. They went up on stage and started their sound check. Oh boy was it loud. The distortion was really heavy and loud my ears were pierced. When they started playing... Oh man. I'm having goosebumps remembering them play. They sang a hymn called "Dalam Dunia Penuh Kerusuhan" (In This Riot-Filled World) composed by H. A. Pandopo in 1980. They started off hauntingly smooth. It was pretty horrifying but beautiful at the same time. After the first few lines at the verse, and then they started the grand intro. Oh God. They sounded like Nightwish!! It was crazy. Everybody were stunned and I myself couldn't help but stare. It was grand, and haunting, and beautiful. The vocalist could reach the notes smoothly. I saw the judges were stunned as well. But in the end, they didn't make it into the top 3. They managed to get into the top 10 anyway. I guess that was understandable, because when I heard their performance that I recorded on my phone, they took too long, and there was a problem in terms of sound balance. The guitars were too overpowering, and they played waaaay beyond the alloted time, that's why their marks were reduced. The band who became the champion was pretty good, though. Their guitarist stepped up their game. The band revolved on the guitarist. He played mightily tidy and his skills were no joke. The band complimented him nicely although the vocalist was just standard. Their song arrangement for the required song were also really good.

Honestly I thought that the winner will be one of those Casiopea wannabes but then I was wrong. It kinda motivated me to keep on doing and loving the current genre that I like and polishing the way I play regardless of what genre.

Winning a competition is one thing. And I don't really care about winning. But then after this competition, though I still don't care if we're gonna win or not, but I really want us to sound more presentable and can be up to par with other bands and certainly I don't want to be the worst. LOL. We were one of the lowest quality performer and I realized that we were nothing compared to the others. The others put more time and effort (obviously) for this while we did shit and try to get everything together at the last minute. Now I know our standard compared to the rest. And I know the standard for this competition. I've never watched this competition before even though it's being held annually for a pretty long time already. I know what to expect. This was totally different than BolehLand's standard. I could say that our standard is way higher than them. I've joined a number of BolehLand's battle of the bands, and only a handful will be able to come close to our top 10 performers. For real. Even though our standard here is waaaaay lower than Java.

 
This competition really made my motivation bigger and I realized that I can't just be in this position. I need to move forward. Get back on track. Even though I was playing keyboard, I wanted to improve my bass playing instead. Hahaha. Hopefully I can attend a course anytime soon.

Here we go again

So we're at it again. A prestigious competition throughout the region, and as usual, our preparation was extremely minimum. H0w minimum? The competition is tomorrow, we need to play 2 songs, and at this hour we only have 1 song in our pocket. The other song is not ready. At all. Zero. Mei you. Na-dah.

Shish let's just get it over with.

I don't care anymore.

I can't help it.

I won't expect anything. I'll just do my shit and go home.

I won't even blame anyone.

Whatever.

"If home is where the heart is, then we're both just fucked."

So I was looking at old pictures, and stumbled upon these...

Still remember those days? Haha. I decided to check the event blog just in case they made a part II of this after I moved here. I told you how it went back then. Chill.. I'm not about to get all nostalgic right now, but after I visited the blog, I thought the post last time was kinda self-centered hahah and today I realized many new things about this event. I started to appreciate it more and more even after all this years. In-fest 2011 was a very humble event and probably there are still rooms for improvement in terms of event management but I walked out of it with a lasting impression on how a music and art festival feels like. It was on a small scale but come to think of it, it was a great concept. I still remember clearly what it felt like being there. I'm still a festival rookie, I haven't been to lots of 'em so I might not know what the actual good festival should be like but In-fest left a footprint in my heart. I've learned a lot from it. It gets deeper this time.

It was a place to show what you've got without looking for a trophy or title. It was very honest.  "But then isn't that how everything normally goes? Just like a normal gig when you play your original stuff?" --you said. Well this is different.

There was 1 major difference: The purpose. Not the event's, but the crowd's and the performers'.

"Geez, of course those 2 would be different from one event to another."--you said.

Ok then lemme break it down to ya.
Whether it is Rock In Japan, Glastonbury Festival, Coachella, Big Day Out, etcetc, no matter what genre, theY went there to SEE THEIR FAVE MUSICIANS and expect to hear songs that they know and like. and if they stumble upon one awesome opening act or supporting performers or maybe some good new musicians, great. that's a plus. Nobody went to festivals not knowing any of the performer. You paid hundreds of dollars to see musicians you don't know? I don't think so. Except for parents who came to accompany their kids. And boyfriends to protect their girlfriends. Also some people went to support their musician friends who will be performing that day. the crowd weren't the kind that came solely to see what kind of stuff you're gonna bring to the table. They weren't the kind who purposely went there ONLY to listen to stuff from people they've never heard of before. They listened to the performers before, liked it, and then decided to see them live because they liked them first.

In-Fest was filled with respectful audiences. They were there because they actually went to see and listen to what every performer had despite of their personal preferences. Musicians came out as who they are--as a total stranger to the crowd--. no prior fandom whatsoever. The performers were all indie and barely known anyway. 

As musician,When we perform on a normal gig, we worked hard to please the crowd and those who invited us to play with what we had. We worked hard to entertain. We worked hard so that they wouldn't be throwing us tomatoes or rotten eggs or "BOOOOO"s. We expected people to engage with us, to receive our message, to relate with our songs, and so on. we worked hard for them to like us. The pressure is everywhere and subconsciously we tried our best to fulfill their expectations.

At In-Fest, in essence, musicians  only have one purpose: To be heard. This is our song. That's it. No frills. Take it or leave it. This is where applause, compliments, and acceptance are mere bonuses. I was having the usual pressure.. "will they like it? I HAVE to play well. There were so many talented people here...etc etc" but then when I saw the other band who played before us, those thoughts vanished. I saw the crowd's faces. I saw them taking it in. They were there to listen. To pay attention at each of our form of art so willingly. I mean, there were different genres and some of them were on the extreme end but they accepted it all. They listened to every performers regardless of genre. It was truly a platform to express ourselves as musician. It was a place to be heard. At that time, anything else didn't matter.

So I thought: we need more events like this. We need a platform to be heard. The atmosphere was very welcoming and very encouraging to us emerging musicians. It encouraged me to learn more, to make music more because that's who I am. I just had to get it out of my head.

In-fest was "Freedom of expression" at its best. FREE ADMISSION BRAH!! There was art & jewellry gallery, movie screening room, music stage, and communal painting wall.
 

The communal painting wall was behind us.

There were A LOT of musicians each day. At first people were gathering and socializing in the gallery and some at the backyard where the music stage was at. It was grassy so people sat on the ground chillin while having some Nasi Lemak and Lemonade. And then the music started. Some people went upstairs to see indie films and then came down to see music performances. As the night went, it got awesomer. We were moshing and headbanging to "Fetus" and "Xerpent", and then we had "Like Silver" who turned the grassy backyard into a dancefloor. Heck there was nightclub-esque lighting yo! And some people brought booze. It was a shame we went home early (although it was pretty late already). I think it went on till sunrise lol.

Man, I felt right at home.

Right at home, bitches. :)

What if we hold it in dog-eating place... Somebody gotta make it happen right?. Hmm.

A Gig(?) At the Land of the Gods

So basicaly I didn't realize this until the end of the event lol

It was at my bestfriend's wedding on the 15th, and it was held far away from dog-eating place. It was in BALI BRAAAAAH!!
She asked me to bring guitar on the wedding reception because one of the groom's family will be presenting a song bit he didn't have an acoustic guitar. Well our youth leader's guitar was with me at that moment so I brought it along with me. Kekkekek

First of all, bringing guitar while traveling is a real pain in the ass. Urgh. The aircraft didn't have special storage for that kind of thing, and the stewardess was using real bitchy tone when I asked politely if they have. Psh. Bitch.

I ended up putting it in the cabin baggage compartment along with everybody else's heavy ass baggages. I was so worried that the neck will snap into pieces.. Actually I could just use a hard case right? Well heck no. Hardcases are 50x heavier than the guitar.

So anyway, when I got there my bestfriend asked me to present a song too for when everybody was having their desserts.. so yeah..

I sang Stickwitu by The Pussycat Dolls, and then for some reason, almost everyone thought that I wrote that song while I DID say that I will be singing Stickwitu by The Pussycat Dolls before I started singing. So I had a couple of awkward moments when the older fellas started saying things like "what a lovely song! Will you keep writing?" Ok........

Boy I was rusty and shakey lol

After I sang I felt unsatisfied cuz I thought I could do better.. But yeah.. and then it crossed my mind that I was singing in some place other than Historical City, or even dog-eating place. I SANG IN BALI BRAAAAAH!!

LOL

Sorry man.. I know this isn't like singing on the big stage with people paying to see me perform but the point is, I performed in a new place. HAHA.
Thas was actually my first time playing in a province other than where I came from (in this country) and people actually enjoyed it so..  kekekeke it felt awesome :p

Too bad I don't have a pic of me during the performance but it was in my besties' wedding vid. So yeah.. plus I got the bouquet from the bride's bouquet tossing game HAHAH. So.. It's time to proof whether the urban legend is legit or not.

See ya!

Teen-hit?

There was this youth choir at our district, the members are from different churches including ours. On the 28th last month they held their first concert, and our youth was invited as one of the line-up. We performed acoustic, 2 christian songs and guess what,I got to sing my own song. Kekekekek. I composed this song when I was in college, and told the Rubberfellas about it but we graduated so we didn't do anything about it hehe.

Well people here don't speak english. So I was 100% sure they were bored cuz they don't understand a thing I was singing. Besides, they came for the choir concert not for us right? HAHA

A number of 14 year olds from my church came and watched cuz they had free tix, and then after the show, they came up to me and said "Hey who's the original singer? WHAT?! That was YOUR song? OMG your song is niiiiiiccceee!!! *gigglegiggle* Teach us! Teach us the song! Your accent! What'S the song about? Tell us!tell us!" etc etc.

Hoookay.

Even until last week when we had our youth service, they were all like "let's sing your song as the closing song"

Hoookay.

I felt awkward but at the same time I was so glad that people -teens- like my song :D
I didn't expect it to be that way but then this was a nice surprise.

Aaaanyway, I have a lesson.
CHANGE YOUR BATTERIES THE NIGHT BEFORE THE SHOW. Seriously. Before the gig, we were doing the soundcheck and realized that the battery for the 2 guitars were low. So we went out to buy new ones. Easy fix. NO. Because the battery socket STUCKED and we couldn't open it no matter how hard we tried. We were panicking because the show was about to start and we'll be performing first!!! In the end we managed to open it in time (with violence tho). But then we were all sweaty because the gig venue has no AC nor a fan. So our hairs were greasy,our clothes wet, my makeup melted (=.=)". Nevermind... It went well kekeke :D

A rendezvous with my first love..

I.am.a.happy.girl.

Haha

Last night I got a gig playing bass. Yeah baby. BASS. I haven't been playing for quite a while now and I miss playing bass for a gig ><

As expected, MAH FINGERS HURRRRTTT!!!! It was painful. But painful good kekeke.. It reminds me how good the feeling was back then and even though it was just a regular youth service and set to have a cafe vibe with only acoustic guitar; bass; and cajon; I played like a possessed bitch hahahaha I couldn't care less!! Because seriously, last year I only played bass 1 or 2 times and it's not even a gig!! Only some random jamming!! That's why I kinda went overboard last night hahaha

Oh btw I have ANOTHER bass playing gig tonight!! THANK YOU LORD JESUS! I am really really really really thankful for this :D

I hope that my friend and I will do great tonight especially since some stranger will join us to play the cajon and He didn't come for practice the other day.. Hmm.

Last night I didn't use my baby to play :( I didn't change the battery and I desperately need to re-string so I ended up using the church's bass.. Haih. Nevermind.. Tonight I'll be using mine. I hope it still works and sounds well cuz I haven't been using it for so long T.T

p.s. I'm sorry baby...

Now this is personal.

I have been abandoning this blog since like,forever. In case you're wondering, I have no intention to stop blogging. Kekeke. It's just that I ran out fire.

Ok maybe this is the time for updates. To tell you the truth, I feel kind of embarrased by how things turned out. There were a lot of stuff going on in my life -musically- and to be honest, I don't want to post it here because this blog will be so gloomy.

So actually I was filled with disappointment. I am unsatisfied with things and I really really want to give up. I have been constantly disappointed with my fellow bandmates. It was extremely uninspiring and every gig is just so blah. We have been getting gigs from neighboring churches, and lack of preparation makes it suck. I became very reluctant to practice with them. Even though I still go in the end. I know that this is bad and I have to get rid of my reluctance, suck it up, and practice diligently.

You see, my bandmates and I don't have the same passion. They LIKE music and they KNOW how to play but then that's it. If there's a gig, we'll practice and play but no one cared enough to make our band better, to step up our game or try differrent things, or do research. They were bothered about how unskillful we are, but they did effing nothing about it!!!!! I tried to write chords down for them but bitch please there's no way in hell I'm gonna spoonfeed them for the rest of my gig life!!!

Basically I am mad at everyone including myself because I have no idea what to do and I want out of the band completely. But then this is a responsibility. Not to man, but to God. We were formed to serve anyway.. So I gotta continue. That's one of the reason why I want to continue this blog. I want to post all those struggles and experiences no matter how redundant. Hopefully this blog will be a benchmark on how we're doing, plus I will post reviews and first impressions on stuff I currently listening to.

So.. yeah. This is me trying not to give up.

See ya!